Void Memories

2012-01-25T00:35:00.002+08:00

To be honest, spending time with my cousins was more better spent than doing a project that no one else in my group wants to do.

10%, fail then fail lor.

2012-01-10T19:35:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I feel like going to a beach to just sit and look at the sea, alone.

Let the waves carry away my burdens.

In the first place, no one is ever indispensable.

2011-12-30T02:21:00.003+08:00

It's approaching the end of 2011.

To tell the truth, 2011 is probably the worst year of my life up till now.

Many things happened this year.

First and foremost, moving from secondary school to polytechnic.

I admit the change was rather... unnerving, but I wasn't really scared of it.

It was a turning point in my life, and I was looking forward to it.

Sure enough, I got into a pretty interesting class.

I always do, I get into the weirdest of classes, meet the weirdest people in the batch.

I guess it's affinity, and I really want to believe that it is fate.

Well, I won't be so daring as to say that I have good affinity with people, but it's really cool.

The bad thing about polytechnic?

There's no one there who understands even a quarter of me.

No one can peek into my brain, my heart, my thoughts.

I spend lesser time with my lovely friends who are like family to me.

I spend lesser time doing what I really want to do.

I spend lesser time with my family.

Second event that changed my life?

Breaking up with the one girl that I thought I would spend my whole life with.

Well, she WAS the first girl that I really dated and put my feelings into.

It was a.. bittersweet experience.

The aftermath... was devastating.

I really did all sorts of things.

I got drunk everyday.

I cried every night when I woke up from sweet dreams that seemed so surreal, just to face the bitter reality.

Crying?

I never really knew I could cry until it happened.

It destroyed me, and tore apart my mind from the inside.

I felt a demon growing inside of me.

It was just whispering, "leave this place".

Admittedly, I tried cutting myself, and the scars are still there.

I was dumb, but I sort of understood why people cut themselves.

To distract themselves from the mental anguish, with physical pain.

I got over it soon enough, after.. what, 30 or 40 days?

The only thing I could never understand was what went wrong.

Anddddd, how she could ever possibly get a new guy the day we broke up.

Made me feel like all she ever did, said, showed and shared was just a lie.

The weird part? I believe it was all just a lie.

But that's all behind me now, I mean, it's not worth getting sad over someone who threw me aside when she had no more use for me.

I only regret wasting so much money on her.

The funny thing is, even while saying all these, I remain calm.

Something I could never be 3 months ago.

That's all the bad shit, but what's the good thing that happened to me?

I experienced for myself the bite of love.

It bit me, hard.

I don't believe in it, anymore.

But there's no need for that.

I can get along without it just fine.

Just as I have lost the ability to despair.

Seems like the event really hit a switch inside me.

Something that was just lying down in wait, the demon inside me.

Besides all that bullshit, good things have happened too.

I understood more about life.

I understood myself better.

I got to know people who were really worth getting to know.

I became closer with people who drifted away from me.

I became closer with my family.

I have more time for myself.

I have more money for myself, which is always a good thing.

I can think clearer.

Lots of learning points, to actually sum it up.

After all, life isn't complete without disasters and failures in life.

The only thing to do is get over them.

Takes time, but gets us over them.

As for me, I'm just glad that no one can see the depths of my hearts yet.

Honestly, I'm not what I appear to be on the outside.

Sometimes, it's really ironic that I want someone to understand me, yet, I don't want anyone to see the real me.

In 2 days, I say good bye to 2011 and hope that 2012 will be a better year.

Questions abound are just part of the puzzle called life.

2011-10-09T11:22:00.002+08:00

Well, today I got rid of all my problems.

I got my answers.

I shall move on.

Slowly, but surely.

I'm moving on.

If you can be happy without me, why can't I be happy without you?

I deserve better.

I deserve to be happy.

I deserve to have happier memories.

Today, I let you go.

I shan't shed a tear no more, for you.

You're not worth it.

Besides, you don't even know the amount of care and concern people give you.

You criticize others, yet you don't even know that the same thing applies to you.

Stupid girl.

I really want to shake some sense into you.

You're really going to find yourself alone and abandoned as you were 3 years ago.

I wonder if you really want that.

I know for sure, I don't want to see you in that state again.

Your friends are important, and they bother, so why do you not bother?

Life, goes on.

I just have to live each day as it is.

2011-10-08T14:56:00.003+08:00

I'm surprised.

Surprised that the first week after you left me, I was a lump of mess.

I didn't know what to do with my life.

I didn't know where to go.

I didn't know what awaited me.

I didn't know how to go on anymore.

It's because you were my motivation to carry on living, facing the future.

When you left me, everything just came crashing down on me.

What I believed in, forever, was just a lie.

You made me see forever, and you made me lose sight of it.

Fast forward 50 days later.

I'm still living, but barely.

Every moment that I lay around idle without something to do, I think about you.

I remember all those times we shared.

It all comes back to hurt me.

It hurts me at the places where it hurts the most.

The happiness we once shared becomes the pain that I take alone.

Even now, I still feel so bitter and down in the dumps.

I really hate that guy a lot.

I hate him to the guts.

I RESENT him.

I really want to beat him up.

I don't even know if you're happy with him.

At times, you seem to be, and that makes me die inside.

At times, you don't, and that makes me die inside too.

I don't know what to do, what to think and what to believe.

Sometimes, what you say makes me feel like I have hope.

Hope to have you back again.

But deep inside, I know I already lost everything.

The light inside me has already died, and I merely live for the sake of living.

I don't have hope, nor do I have anything to believe in anymore.

I just feel that I want to wait.

Wait for a miracle that will never happen.

When you're not online on MSN/Facebook, and not in school.

I think a lot.

Are you with that guy?

What are you doing with him now?

Are you sharing with him all the secrets you should have shared with me?

Are you giving him the warmth that should have been for me?

Are you holding his hands, like you held mine, which made me feel wanted in this world?

Are you giving him courage, like you had given me?

Another question comes to mind.

Why aren't you studying?

Maybe you are, and maybe I just don't know.

I just hope you are working hard for O levels.

It's a large turning point in your life.

I don't want you to have any regrets.

I know true love is to wish the girl I love most in my life, you, to be happy.

Even if it isn't me who is making you happy.

Even if I'm the one who has to busk in this endless pain and torture every day.

Even if I'm the one who has to cry every night for you.

I'd rather it be me, than you.

I'm still contemplating if I should send you a message of encouragement.

I don't know whether you'll bother reading it.

I don't know whether you'll care.

I don't know whether you'll listen.

I don't know whether you hate me.

I'm so afraid of the unknown, yet scared of the painful truth.

Someone, give me an answer.

2011-10-04T20:42:00.003+08:00

Gave you 3 of your favourite things yesterday.

I'm glad you loved the tuna sandwich, and it cheered you up.

Yet, why are you cutting yourself?

Sometimes, I wonder if your statuses are talking about me, or am I just being so full of myself to think that you actually think of me.

Why are you cutting yourself again?

I don't know whether you have, but the thought of you cutting yourself hurts me more than it hurts you.

I really want to see you, and talk to you just like we always had, in the past.

Is it really not possible to go back to how we were before?

I'm still missing you after 45 days.
I have never forgotten you.

In the end, I still choose to wait.

2011-09-26T21:56:00.002+08:00

If I could be devoid of emotions, I wish I was.

"Be happy she was once yours"

I'm not happy that she was once mine, because she was meant to be mine forever.

"You'll find someone better"

No, I won't, because there's no other woman I love more than her.

I really miss her.

The times she bit me on my arm.

The times I carried her on my back.

The times I hug her from behind.

The times I surprised her.

The times I could just stare deep into her eyes.

The times she kept poking my sides.

The times she pulled my hair.

The times she hit my arm.

The times she played with my fingers.

Now some other bastard has what was meant to be ours alone.

My love for her hasn't faded.

I feel so shitty.

I'm tired of crying every night.

I'm a guy, but why do I cry so easily?

Maybe I was so used to having you as a support, that I already started to breakdown without you.

2011-09-21T18:03:00.003+08:00

It's been a month and 3 days.
It's been a tough month, and journey.

I still miss you now and then.

I still think about us now and then.

I see that you're pretty happy without me.

I see that you're pretty happy with him.

I know it was never meant to be.

I still die a little on the inside.

Does he really treat you better then me?

Are you eating well?

Are you sleeping well?

Are you smiling everyday?

Are you healthy?

Are you drinking enough water?

Did he do anything to you?

All these questions run through my mind once in a while.

I hope you're putting in the effort to try and study.

I know you never really liked studying, but it's just the last lap.

Once O levels is done, you can take a long rest without studying already.

I know you're happier without me.

So why am I still worrying about you?

I don't know.

Maybe because I can't forget the time I spent with you.

The meals I had with you.

The fun I had fooling around with you, making jokes.

The itch I had when you poked my side.

The warmth I had when you hold my arm.

Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep quietly at night.

Maybe now I can control myself a little better.

I don't drink anymore.

I don't cut myself anymore.

I still miss you.

I wonder if I appear in your head once in a while too.

I guess not.

Because that guy already took all the space in your heart that once belonged to me.

2011-09-10T08:38:00.003+08:00

I kept telling myself that she could do whatever she want.

I kept telling myself that I have to let her go.

Yet, when she goes out with that guy, I can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces again.

When she went to that guy's house twice, I really wanted to get hit by a car.

Swimming?

She never went swimming with me before.

She never wanted to.

She said it would be just a maple relationship.

It won't be a real one.

Now, I don't think that's true anymore.

It hurts just thinking about it.

Thinking about her doing whatever I have done with her before, with another guy.

Going out to our favourite places.

Eating our favourite food.

Hugging.

Cuddling.

Whispering sweet-nothings.

Taking pictures together.

Holding hands and swinging them.

Everything.

It kills me inside every single time she goes out with him.

It really does.

It kills me even more to know she went to his house twice.

Twice.

Fuck life.

Fuck him.

2011-09-09T22:51:00.003+08:00

Haah.

Promised myself, that I'll let her go.

Let her go, because she'd be happier with him.

Promised myself, that I'll let her go.

So that I can show her that I can still be happy, so she won't worry about me.

Now that I think about, I'm rather stupid, huh.

She probably won't worry about me anymore. (:

Hurts to accept the facts.

But what can I do?

The past few days were better, only in the day.

At night? My head is filled with thoughts of her.

I dreamed of her every night.

I'm so afraid to go to sleep every night.

I tell people that I'm fine already.

That I've already let her go.

Deep in my heart?

I still hold the memories of her and I.

Is she happy?

Is she really happy?

Was my pain really worth it?

Did my sadness buy her happiness?

I'm starting to feel tired of smiling every day.

I'm starting to feel like crying again every night.

I'm afraid of the future.

I'm afraid of her.

I'm afraid of me.

I guess, words don't mean anything.

2011-09-01T15:25:00.002+08:00

如果有一天，我不再烦你；如果有一天，我变得冷漠；如果有一天，你的生活没有我，没了每天的电话，每天的关心，每天的小脾气… 你会主动联系我吗？我把一切都表现出来，你知道了，清楚了，了解了，最终感动了吗？，可我却离开了。今天陌生的，是昨天熟悉的…有一天我不再烦你，你会想我吗?

I'll remember our memories, I'll remember our happiness.

I'll remember our sadness, I'll remember the hugs and kisses we shared.

I'll remember our love, I'll remember my love for you.

I'll remember the pain and suffering I went through for you.

Finally, I don't believe in love anymore. (:

Let my final act of love be letting you go, because it makes you happier.

我还会傻傻的等奇迹的那一天，直到那一天你会发现真正爱你的人其实在手中。

我爱你。

2011-08-31T20:42:00.003+08:00

Dear sweetheart, I hope you’ll reading this particular post.
I know that things have been really bad for us, and we’re currently stuck in a bad situation.
I wish you’d talk to me about the problems you’re facing.
I want you to know how much I care for you.
No matter how you try to push me away, I’ll still be here for you always.
I have been wondering what has happened to us, and it really breaks my heart.
A relationship coming close to 3 years, yet it seems to disappear without leaving a trace.
What I really hope, is that you’d stay by me no matter how hard it may be.
Look at it, we have gone through so many ups and downs.
Isn’t this just another obstacle we’re going to face together?
I wish I don’t have to face it alone.
All I ever wanted is the both of us to be happy together.
Baby, I have accepted every part of you, including your flaws.
Why won’t you?
Don’t this relationship mean anything to you anymore?
Don’t I matter to you anymore?
I just hope you will come back to me, because you’re so important.
Please do know that I love you, always.
Even if you don’t believe in ‘forever’, but what I know, you’re the girl I want to be with, the girl I’m willing to love for the rest of my life.
Is it the same for you, baby? I really hope so.

Words are all useless when it comes to convincing you.
I don't even know how I really feel now.
I hope that you still care for me, and I want to know if you really do.
Then at the same time, I don't want to find out if you really do, because it really crushes my hopes if your answer is a no.
I hope that you still remember me, and all our memories, and I want to know.
But again, I'm scared of the answer.

People keep saying even if I get back with you, it won't be the same.
Of course it won't be the same, it'll be even better.
I think about you everyday, every second, every minute and every hour.
"I'm okay", isn't that what I'm supposed to say?
But it's okay, I'll just hide my pain behind my smile.
Just like I always had.

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I might never talk to you again and I won't feel the same about anyone the way I feel when I'm with you.
I'm afraid that you'll find someone else and feel different for some other girl, and I'll just be an old school memory.

Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I don't have any feelings or emotions?
I'm not in a good mood, or a bad mood.
I just sit there, by myself and think.
I overthink sometimes.
I think about what has happened, what will happen, and what could have happened.
I think about you, I think about what's wrong in my life, I think about how I can get myself out of this stage, I think about why I got here in the first place. I think about everything, and anything.

Silence is a girl's loudest cry.
When she starts ignoring you, it's when she really is hurting.

2011-08-30T07:27:00.002+08:00

Pulled up my courage.

Did what my heart told me to do.

I was afraid, yes, but I was more afraid of being too late.

I remember all those times that I was being silly.

I made you laugh until you cried tears of laughter.

I remember all those times that I was being unreasonable.

I made you sad until you cried tears of pain.

I remember all those times we argued and quarreled.

But it would be fine the next day.

I remember those times when I used to brush your hair with my fingers.

I remember those times I would try to smell your head whenever I could.

I remember those times I held your little hands when they were cold.

I remember those times I laughed at you when you did something funny.

I remember those times you hit me as I laughed at you.

I remember those times we both silently smiled to each other without saying a word.

I remember those times we were happy together without everything.

I remember those times when just having each others' company was enough to get through a day.

Even though there were times when we were really in pain, just by being together.

We knew that as long as we continued to stay together, we would still be happy in the end.

Things would change for the better.

A fairy tale, you love me and I love you.

We made our vows of love.

To get married.

Buy a house of our own.

Clean the house together every saturday.

I would scream at you because you were dirty.

We'd get a car, and I'd drive you to work everyday.

I would get you flowers because I didn't get a chance to give you when we were teenagers.

We'd hug each other to sleep every night, and you would be the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and I would be the last thing you see when you go to sleep.

We'd hug each other til' we wake up every morning, and you would be the first thing I see when I wake up, and I would be the first thing you see when you wake up.

I would make breakfast for you, without bread, because you loved breakfast and hated bread.

I would make scrambled eggs for you with sausages.

All of these were what we promised.

I hold true to them, and I want them to happen.

I don't want them to remain as a dream.

Even just remembering these memories, I would smile.

Smile, then it turns to tears, because I don't know if I'm the only one holding these promises.

Tears because I don't know if you will still come back to me.

Someone came by, and snatched you from my grasp.

He isn't someone good.

Why?

Was it because he is richer?

Was it because he looked better?

Was it because he was skinnier?

Was it because you couldn't be proud of me?

Was it because you thought I was an embarrassment?

He isn't true to you.

He is just playing around with you.

Why don't you understand?

Why do I still hope so much, when the false hope I had was crushed to smithereens just yesterday.

I was still hoping you still cared.

I was still hoping for everything.

2 words from you, destroyed all the hope that got me past these few days.

But, no matter.

I still have more hope, even if it ends up with me getting hurt even more.

I don't know why myself, why I still love you despite the pain I'm going through.

You were my everything, and my only love.

Even after all you've done to me, I still can't bring myself to hate you.

I thought ours was a fairy tale.

Just you love me, and I love you, overcoming obstacles, and living happily ever after.

Remember that time when I told you if I had a terminal disease and a few more days to live, I wouldn't tell you. I would disappear from your life quietly, because I felt that hate was easier to let go. You would find someone better than me.

You cried and said that I was "stupid stupid stupid stupid!!!!"

You told me that you would rather spend the last few days with me in happiness.

You told me you wanted to walk with me to the end.

That time, was the first time I cried in 10 years.

I felt loved for the first time.

I felt that my existence was acknowledged and appreciated for the first time.

But that's all just memories that I love.

Memories that I love, that comes back to hit me much harder.

Worse thing of all?

That you're not here to tell me "it's okay".

I said and promised that I would wait.

So I will.

I don't know what to do anymore.

2011-08-29T21:44:00.003+08:00

Argued with my mom for the past few days.

Early in the morning, and late at night.

I was getting scolded for all sorts of reason.

Remembered that you used to cheer me up and make me smile when I had family problems.

Now, I'm all on my own.

I wished I wasn't born because my mother blames all her sickness and physical problems on me.

She always says that it's my fault that she has thyroid.

She always says that it's because she gave birth to me that she has a weak body.

I felt so.. I can't even think of a word to describe it. Unwanted? Hated? I don't know.

I feel so lonely at home.

I feel left out at home.

It's as if I don't exist.

Went out to KTV today, and I sang my heart out.

How strange that every song seemed to scream out my emotions.

Seemed to scream out our past.

Seemed to scream out our memories.

Seemed to scream out my love for you.

I had always wanted to go KTV with you.

Just that, that one time you asked, I rejected.

Why?

I was afraid I would embarrass you, because I sucked at singing.

I spent a lot of time training to sing, so that during the holidays I could go and sing with you and your friends.

I wouldn't embarrass you in front of your friends.

I wanted you to be proud of me.

I don't think I will get the chance to show you my effort anymore.

Went to Wei Keong's house to celebrate his early birthday, which falls tomorrow.

Ate chili crab, and it reminded me of last year when we went to his house to eat chili crab and play mahjong.

It was your first time playing mahjong and you were having soooo much fun, even though you couldn't really play skilfully.

We had cheese cake after, but you didn't want it, so I ate it for you.

I was so happy then.

I remember that I sent you home after, and I hugged you before you went home.

I was wishing you were with us the whole time we were eating chili crab.

They asked me to invite you too, because you were part of click clique.

Gave them an excuse that you were busy with prelims.

They were disappointed, but I didn't tell them because I still don't accept that we are over.

In my heart, we are still us.

I almost got hit by a large car at the T-junction when it went up the curb.

I saw my life flash past me.

I felt depressed instantly.

Even though I was wishing to die these days, when it really came to the real deal.

I was scared.

I didn't want to die.

I wanted to see you, I wanted to hear you laugh, I wanted to see you laugh until you cried.

I wasn't ready to leave all my problems and die.

I haven't given up.

Even if it's just a small glimmer of hope, I want it.

I need you back.

It has been 11 days without you.

It seemed like a month.

I love you.

I miss you.

2011-08-28T23:46:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean it.

Anger clouded my judgement.

I regretted my actions and deleted it when I realised that I was just being stupid.

You're probably angry at me.

What am I going to do?

I'm so damn stupid.

I only know how to make you unhappy.

I'm so useless.

Damn it.

Damn it damn it damn it DAMN IT.

Shit. I hate myself.

2011-08-28T13:21:00.002+08:00

You said we could be friends.

I don't see how anything like this is called being friends.

You don't reply to my messages.

I know that I'm annoying, but what can I do?

Just a simple okay, or even a "k" would suffice.

I miss you so much, yet I don't even know how you feel about me.

I'm split between thinking that you still love me and you hating me.

What must I do or think to find out whether you still think of me.

This feeling sucks.

I feel like I know the truth, but I'm denying it.

I don't know what to think anymore.

I wanted to be able to protect you and cheer you up when you're sad.

I'm in so much pain now.

My back, my chest, my lungs.

You used to care so much, just a little pain would cause you to fluster.

Now, it seems like it doesn't matter anymore.

I'm lonely now.

Without you.

So much pain.

I wish I could just die.

2011-08-27T22:52:00.003+08:00

Growing up and maturing is two different things.

People love to grow up, but hate to mature.

It's because maturity brings with it the need to be tolerating, hypocritical and the need to act with restraint.

Growing up is just a feeling.

You don't fight for something if you don't have it.

If you know something won't be yours forever, you feel that it's okay that it won't be yours forever.

If someone asks you to hold onto something, you hold on.

If you don't get something, and you can't snatch or steal, you just forget about it.

Yet, being mature, one would go through all the trouble, make up a hundred thousand plans to fight and get what he wants and love. Hiding the pain.

Hey.

I've matured.

I'm not the same person I was.

Now I want to show you that I'm matured enough for you.

该靠自己站起来, 才在你受伤的时候可以负你起来.

2011-08-27T14:50:00.003+08:00

Love often strikes an Aquarius and a Leo like a bolt out of the blue.

You gravitate towards each other like magnets with opposing charges.

My resolution is set.

I need her back.

I will get her back.

I will fight for her to the bitter end.

Strengthen your resolve, Phil.

You can do it.

Strengthen your mind.

Remember the love you had for her.

Feel the love you have for her.

Think of the future you want.

You want to marry her right?

And you'll be the Dad, and she'll be the Mom.

We'll get 4 pets and have 2 children.

It's the present and future that counts.

For her sake, stay strong.

For her sake, stop hurting yourself.

For her sake, don't give up.

You can do it, Phil, I know you can.

2011-08-27T00:01:00.002+08:00

I will wait for you until you've stopped hating me.

I will wait for you until you are okay with talking to me.

I will wait for you until you are stressed free.

I will wait for you until after your O levels.

I will woo you back after your O levels.

I will give you all the love you deserve that I owe.

I will get you back.

I will wait.

If it fails, then I guess I don't know what to do.

I'll do my best, but if my best is not good enough for you, I might just die.

2 months. It's a count down to another life changing decision.

I hope you won't forget me in 2 months.

I hope you will still love me in 2 months.

I hope you won't love someone else in 2 months.

I hope you will come back to me in 2 months/

I miss you.

I just want to hear your voice.

I love you.

2011-08-26T05:37:00.002+08:00

I'm tired of crying my eyes out.

I'm tired of shivering in fear and convulsing in pain.

I've been dreaming of us being together.

Happy, either like nothing has happened before.

Or happy, that you have already forgiven me and still love me.

I'm really going to go crazy in time.

I can't take it.

I was so happy in the dream, when I woke up on the middle to a date with you,

I broke down. I woke up to a shitty world without you beside me anymore.

I broke down yesterday because I dreamt about you 3 times too.

I will break down tomorrow, because I will dream about you again.

I can't take it anymore.

My heart is already clenching so tightly, I find it so hard to breathe.

I really want to die.

If I die, I might be able to dream a perfect dream, one that will never end at all.

You and me, together.

You and me, smiling, loving and doing everything til' the world ends.

I don't want to go back to sleep.

I'm afraid of dreaming of you again.

Dream and get my hopes up, and wake up and drag me back down to hell.

God damn it.

I can't move on.

I can't go on.

I need you.

What have I done wrong to deserve this?

Why did I have to be so stupid?

Why did I hurt you?

Why did I cause you to leave me.

I can't go on.

I really, really can't.

Despite people telling me not to, I can't.

Sleeping is a torture, dreaming is a torture, waking up is a torture.

It all seems so unreal, because just a week and a half ago.

I was happy to sleep, because I slept with you by my side.

I was happy to dream, because my dream reflected my reality.

I was happy to wake up, because I woke up to you.

Now that everything's gone.

I don't want to wake up anymore.

I don't know how much longer can I go on.

I'm irritating you with my smses.

I can't help but care for you.

My phone hasn't rung in seemingly years.

Every time I receive a message, I wish, hope and pray hard it's you.

Yet at the same time, I don't know if I can take what you might say to me.

Now I understand how you felt when I stung you with my words.

They hurt so damn crazy, that you just want to die.

I wish I could be stuck in a coma and dream.

Dream of a perfect us.

I can't... go on anymore.

2011-08-25T19:54:00.002+08:00

It's been a week since you messaged me, telling me that you wanted to break up with me.

It's been 5 days since I tried to get you back.

It's been 4 days since you told me your answer remains the same.

I couldn't take the truth, even though I knew that it was coming.

I don't know the reason why you don't want to give me a chance anymore.

I can only guess that it was because all your unhappiness built up, and you finally can't take it anymore.

Then, you let go.

I'm sorry that I couldn't live up to your expectations.

I'm sorry that I don't know what you really wanted.

You just wanted a hug, words of concern, and maybe a re-assuring kiss on the cheeks.

You wanted to feel loved.

What did I give you?

Sadness.

Grief.

Disappointment.

Scars.

Tears.

It's been difficult.

I have been drunk, I have been sick, I have been unable to get up in the morning.

I sleep early in the morning at 2 and wake up 3 or 4 hours later.

I think about you, us, and everything we ever had.

I hate that all I can do now is see you being sad.

It's near your O levels, and you're still being pulled down by me.

I couldn't give you the encouragement you gave me, and when I realised that I needed to,

I didn't have the chance to anymore.

I'm full of regrets, but I'm the one to be blamed.

Sent smses to you, but never really got any reply.

I want to message you daily to make sure you do take care of yourself.

Yet, I don't know whether I'm doing the right thing.

Are you annoyed that I'm disturbing you every damn day?

Or are you a little happy that I'm worried about you?

Or are you just neutral about it?

In actual fact, I know you don't want "us" anymore.

Yet, I still hold on tight to that glimmer of hope that we can be together again.

I loved you so much, that's why I gave you everything I had.

You were the only one who understood me, and loved me for who I am.

No one else really knew what was going on in my head.

To them, I was just a strong guy that they know.

Someone who smiles indefinitely.

Someone who is tall and kind, maybe with a little sharp tongue.

But you know that I'm a vulnerable little boy inside.

You loved me for who I was, and not what I am.

I want you by my side.

Wrong, I need you by my side.

I know you will never read this, but I guess I would feel a little better writing this out.

No one ever reads this blog anyway.

Now, I remember all that we have done, and I'm withdrawing into self-denial again.

People ask, are you fine?

I told them no, but I don't want to say why.

People tell me, don't think too much okay?

I lied to them, and said, I won't lah.

People tell me, move on forward okay? Forget about the past.

I tell them, I don't want to. I want to live in the past, if the present is so difficult to live in.

People tell me that losing you would mean I would find someone better.

I tell them that that's untrue.

Because in my heart, there will always be a girl prettier, there will always be a girl smarter, but they will never be her. To me, you're already the prettiest, smartest, cutest and more lovable girl I ever know.

You and I are still a we in my heart.

I am still yours.

But I know the reality, that you are not mine anymore, no matter how much I wish for it.

My birthday wish last year was to be happy with you until my next birthday.

My birthday wish this year, is to be happy with you until my next birthday.

I already planned my birthday wish for next year.

And it would be to be happy with you until we get married.

I already planned so many programs for us during my holidays.

I couldn't spend time with you because of school and my stupid fucking timetable for school.

I wanted to send you to school, and fetch you from school, just like old times.

I wanted you to join me and my friends for our outings.

I wanted you to play pool with us.

I wanted you to mahjong with us.

I wanted to go to the Night Safari with us.

I wanted to kiss you in the cinema again.

Everywhere I walk, memories would replay in my head.

I would see me and you walking on the pathway to school as I walked towards the bus stop.

I would see you playing with my iPhone, and me standing close to you in the MRT.

I would feel your hand in my hand when I watch the movies.

I would smell you, when I smell my pillow.

I look at my phone, and I remember the time when you put the screen protector on my phone, simply because I didn't have the time to source for one.

I treasured it so much, that I didn't want to replace it even when it's so tattered.

I haven't changed the password on my phone, because you decided it for me.

I loved the password you gave me, and I still love it.

I yearn for all the love you have given me, and I need it more than ever now.

I will wait.

Wait until you are willing to start over with me.

Even if you fall in love with someone else, I will wait.

I will wait until you fall in love with me again.

It hurts a lot, but I need you, so I would give anything just to be with you.

If you ever see this, I'm sorry that I posted this.

There's no where else to say all this, because no one really understands me.

"I can't forget", "you have to" is the reply I get.

"I need her", "you don't, you deserve someone better" is the reply I get.

"I remember all of the memories we had here", "you don't have to remember them, forget them" is the reply I get.

"I still love her", "give her up" is the reply I get.

"I can't go on", "you can, get over it" is the reply I get.

"I need her by my side", "friends will do the trick" is the reply I get.

No one really understood, understand or will ever understand me.

Except you.

You broke down all the walls I've put up around my heart.

Now that you broke it down, you left my heart vulnerable.

I'm beginning to build up the walls you've broken down, just to wait for you to break them down again.

I miss you.

I want to hear your voice.

I want to make you laugh again.

I want to make you laugh until your stomach hurts.

I want to look deep into your eyes, and see the love you had for me again.

I need you.

And now, I finally return into self-denial again.

Maybe it's time to get drunk or eat some sleeping pills so I can get some sleep later.

2011-06-20T23:15:00.003+08:00

It's been a rocky journey since the start of Poly.

It's been difficult doing all the work that we have.

It's been difficult trying to work on projects that we have a shitload of.

Maybe I'm overbearing.

Maybe I'm the one at fault.

Maybe I'm doing everything wrong.

I don't know, but I only want to get the projects done.

I know everyone wishes for the same.

I know it's difficult for everyone to coordinate their schedules.

I know it's the same for everyone, that it's difficult to do work, study, and socialise at the same time.

I know it's group work, and everyone has their share of work.

What if no one else is free?

What if we can't finish the project?

It's a group effort, and I can't do the group work alone.

If I try to do all the work myself, I seem as if I'm not cooperating to make a group effort.

I would seem as if I'm trying to do everything myself.

That I'm obnoxious and what not.

I might sound demanding, but if I don't sound demanding, who is going to?

If no one has the initiative to do work, then are we just going to NOT do the work?

One has to be the bad guy to get things moving, so why not let it be me?

It's difficult for me to worry about the projects every single day.

I don't mean the others don't have worries.

I'm just... torn in half whether to be passive or aggressive.

I don't want to be viewed in a bad light, that I'm overbearing and stuff.

Yet, I don't want to leave work undone.

I'm doing my best.

I know you guys are too.

I just gotta live with it and do my best.

2011-05-27T19:07:00.001+08:00

You don't know how much you've hurt me.

You think I've hurt you more,

but that's untrue.

Because I'm broken.

2011-05-18T20:17:00.000+08:00

"What happens you become the source of her pain?" - Eminem

At times, people don't know what to do,

and when they don't know what to do,

they do rubbish and unthinkable things.

Maybe I'm going to do nonsense too.

Terror

2011-04-29T23:12:00.003+08:00

Eh. Sian sia.

Very long never post liao.

I think my blog officially dead.

I think trends are terrifying.

Why?

Just because!

No, really.

It's like, one year it's blogger, another year it's myspace.

Next year would be tumblr, and so on and so forth.

In the end, no one really stays on the same platform.

To be "trendy" is to keep switching your platform.

However, to me, typing this blog post is just a way for me to rant.

Well, I don't ACTUALLY rant.

But, what the hell.

At least I post something, somewhere other than Facebook and Tumblr.

It's boring everyday.

My friends are a cool lot, don't get me wrong.

Just, sometimes, I don't feel like talking and laughing, but I still do it anyway.

Why?

Cause' my friends all jokers.

Which is a good thing.

Deleted my cbox and archives.

Why?

I think it's useless to read my past, especially when it's so retarded.

KTV today, think my singing sucked.

Sore throat and stuff coming in soon.

Maybe I'll start posting here once again.

Soon enough, if I get the time.

Life's boringgggggg.

2010-12-20T14:49:00.002+08:00

When I'm Gone

Yeah...
It's my life...
My own words I guess...

Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'her
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you to spite you?
What happens when you become the main source of her pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself
Then turn right around in that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby...

And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cuz man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's tonight
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on
And I'm singing...

And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding,"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are going"
But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..

And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

2010-12-09T17:39:00.002+08:00

Ehhhhhh.

For those people who are looking for contact lenses.

Please go to www.mushroomlens.blogspot.com.

It's a blogshop of someone very close to me. Soooo, please do support.

They sell it at a very reasonable price too!

2010-12-06T22:03:00.005+08:00

Today was a tiring day.

Went for interview for a job at NTUC, which branch, I shall not disclose.

Went to sign a contract for a job at a hotel, being a waiter for wedding banquets.

No experience, a little nervous, and I guess, what the hell.

I guess what will be, will be.

Tired, and squeezing on the train today was tiring.

4 mrts just to get from Orchard road to Woodlands.

3 mrts terminated at Yishun.

Tired, so I guess I should rest up.

It's been a tiring but fun day. (:

Hahahahahahaha...

2010-11-22T11:31:00.002+08:00

Eh.

Well, since I haven't posted in a long time.

I be double-postin' today.

I doubt anybody will be reading this anyway.

Ah well, it's just some food for thought.

Ever thought of the reasons for conflicts, pain, sadness, war, unhappiness, destruction of friendships?

One thing I realise is that.

The only thing that causes these are just simply petty reasons.

And no, I'm not trying to be a guru here.

It's just my two-cents.

Want an example?

People misunderstood you, and now you're arguing with them.

Reason? You don't bother to clarify(apathy), or they don't really care(apathy) even if you did bother.

Petty, no?

Your friends leave you because you're a dick/bitch.

Reason? Someone has spread rumours of you being an ass.

You don't feel loved.

Reason? You don't get what you thought you would, it's not up to your expectations.

For example, you wanted that guy to say this romantic thing, but he didn't, he said something else. And for that, you say that you don't feel loved.

Seeing all this, it's all seriously just the same damn reason.

Everyone is selfish.

It's human nature, yeah.

But everyone should make an effort to get rid of their bad nature.

I'm not telling you to change yourself totally, just eradicate the bad things.

Well, moving on.

Here's a way to see that humans judge people as soon as they see or hear about them.

Since it's freedom of speech here, I just wanna describe a person whom I think is the easiest to get along. Take note: It's for me, not you, not everyone. Everyone has differing opinions.

Let's think of an example.

So, think about this guy.

Guy A :

He is smart, sociable, outgoing as well as charismatic.

He is able to grip the attention of most people.

Why? He is kind, offers to help anyone or everyone, a real gentleman.

To add on, he is funny.

Now, what do you think of him?

I leave that to you.

From there, I add something.

His appearance.

If I said, he looks fat.

Then, I add on, he is rather short, say, 162, maybe?

In addition, he has buck tooth and he is bespectacled.

Now, what do you think of him?

Can you honestly readily accept him?

Well, if you can, congratulations, you're a great person.

It's the same, everyone is quick to judge.

No matter how great a personality a person has, judgement really kills.

However, if you switch it around.

He has a bad personality, and good looks. <- Guy B

People will still like him.

Anyway, the number of people who will prefer guy B will be significantly higher than guy A.

Well, that's about judging.

And, I guess I'm lazy to continue typing.

So I shall continue on the next post.

Hopefully, there will be a next post.

2010-11-22T09:41:00.002+08:00

Ahh. Well, shit.

I haven't been updating this blog.

On the daft excuse that it was 'O' Levels.

HAHAHAHA.

I guess that excuse is no longer valid. So...

Anyway.

CHALET IS IN 2 DAYS.

FRIGGIN' EXCITED.

And I think all the readers of my blog has already defected.

So, what the hell..

Anyway, if by chance you're still reading my blog.

Here's a nice goodie. :D

Have you heard of something called e-mail advertising?

It's when people email you advertisements, obviously.

But did you know you can earn money by reading those?

Well, and if you become a referral (i.e. you ask your friends to join), you gain more $.

I've seen people earn up to 100 - 200 bucks a month.

Sounds attractive?

Yeah, it is.

It's no shit, it's not a scam.

It's even been featured on the Sunday Times.

PLEASE GET REFERRED BY MY ACCOUNT WHEN YOU SIGN UP.

You're doing me a huge favor.

And yourself too. :D

http://www.emailcashpro.com/?r=apathetic

Well, please copy past that link, and sign up.

Refer to your friends too.

And we all get $.

Together we're one big family.

THANKS.

Though, I doubt no one is gonna read this for a long time.

2010-09-24T12:13:00.000+08:00

2010-09-23T21:13:00.001+08:00

2010-09-22T19:21:00.000+08:00

2010-09-21T19:21:00.001+08:00

2010-09-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

2010-09-11T10:23:00.001+08:00

2010-08-30T21:22:00.000+08:00

2010-08-24T19:18:00.000+08:00

2010-08-15T21:50:00.000+08:00

2010-08-07T15:36:00.000+08:00

We can learn from this.

2010-08-01T18:08:00.000+08:00

2010-07-25T18:08:00.001+08:00

2010-07-20T19:51:00.001+08:00

Don't judge me if you don't know me.

STFU if you don't know my story and try to judge me.

2010-07-14T20:37:00.002+08:00

How do you know whether you really know your friend?

How much do you think do you know about your friend?

Everyone wears a mask in everyday life.

Many masks, in fact.

It's not easy to maintain, though.

Friends show us their smiles every time.

But how sure are you, that their smiles are genuine?

And that they're not dying on the inside?

Being helpless, is my only reaction.

To find last person I thought would cry, crying.

It voids my heart, for some reason.

I might not be the best kind of a friend everyone out there would ask for.

But, at least I know that it ain't nice to be that way.

Weakness

2010-07-10T12:00:00.002+08:00

When the little whines don't matter.

When the little whines does matter.

Tough week.

Chest pain.

Headache.

Time to sleep.

Bye.

It hurts even more that you don't care.

2010-07-04T22:05:00.003+08:00

Today.

I almost died.

All in day's work.

MLIA.

I almost suffered a death by super lucky falling window.

At a block in Yishun.

It certainly scared the hell out of me.

Lololol.

8th floor arse.

Well, that's the picture I took of the friggin' window.

It fell about 3 steps away from me.

Oh well, I was lucky, anyway.

Bye.

There's a reason why I hate talking to anyone.

2010-06-30T20:09:00.004+08:00

Ahhhh...

It's been quite long since I've last posted, haven't I?

People telling me to update already.

Well, to kick things off.

Holidays have ended.

I miss it now.

I didn't really get much rest.

I went to school every day for 3 weeks.

Fail.

School has started.

And so has the pressure and stress started to pile up.

Well, screw that.

Today, was a bad day.

Maths was deathly boring like shit.

Not to mention Physics.

DnT was okay.

So was mother tongue.

Chemistry was, wtfail.

Social Studies remedial after school.

Forget to bring textbook.

How nice.

Well, sua.

Double chemistry period first thing in the morning tomorrow.

Sigh.

Thought I could have a break this week.

Turns out remedial starts already.

Friday is my 'O' Level Chinese Oral.

Baahh.

I hate my body.

Everywhere is starting to hurt.

My ribs hurt.

My wrist hurts, probably RSI.

My toe hurts, because of ingrow.

My shoulder hurts, due to repeated slinging of bag weight on a side.

What's wrong with me this year, I don't know.

The number of times I feel aches and fell sick is more than those in my whole life, minus this year.

Perhaps I'll die early.

Well, I'm too lazy to type anymore.

So, bye.

2010-06-19T09:20:00.004+08:00

I still feel tired now.

So, I guess I don't want to post a very long post.

Just had a camp.

Came home yesterday and took a nap.

For about 3 hours.

Then I woke up with a splitting headache.

How nice.

Well, now that camp is over,

homework must be done.

Quite sad.

Oh well, stress is what awaits us secondary four students after June.

Can't wait to get 'O' levels over and done with.

It's a strange thing, but I feel sad that the camp is over.

I've gained some special memories from the camp.

Some unforgettable ones.

Some regrettable ones.

Some lovable ones.

Some heartening ones.

And of course, happy ones.

I really didn't want the camp to end.

Because it meant I have to do homework.

And, of course, some various other reasons.

I guess, the leaders didn't do such a bad job I thought they would.

Carry on the not-so-legendary legacy.

I shall end here.

Happy 2 month.

It's 2 days late, but yea. LOL.

2010-06-14T22:02:00.002+08:00

It's been a longgggggg week.
Even though it is just Monday.
Seriously, it has been a long day.
Managed to complete about 50% of my Dnt.
I hope to finish it by tomorrow, if not, by Wednesday.

There's a camp on wednesday - friday.
Blah.
LOL.
No money.
Several programs going on on the fourth week.
Charity Reunion outing.
Lunch with cousins.
And 1 or 2 more outings, which I forgot.
Oh well, I'll remember them in time to come.

The holidays are already at a mid point.
That fast.
I hadn't had any rest yet.
Wtf!
LOL.
Okay.
Gonna go now.
Bye bye~

Oh, I wonder what I should get...
It's going to be that day soon.

2010-06-08T17:19:00.004+08:00

It's been a long week.

Remedials for me are expected to continue until the end of third week.

Bloody tired.

Haven't been sleeping well the past few days.

And my body makes up for it by going into very deep sleep.

Rather than the usual light sleep for me.

Being tired, yet unable to sleep.

It's a bitch.

To boot, life is so boring, I don't even know why I'm living.

There's nothing to do.

There's nowhere to go.

There's no one to hide with.

Somehow, I feel ethereal.

Don't know what it means?

Check the dictionary.

There's really no reason to stay in this world.

Everyone wishes to escape to somewhere they can live peacefully,

in a fairy tale like world or whatnot.

I just want the world to come to an end.

And when that happens, I won't be able to feel anything at all.

And thus, my boredom will be gone.

Screw everything, seriously.

Well, whatever.

Going to town with Justin to buy clothes tomorrow.

Strangely, I don't feel excited anymore.

To think I was, one week ago.

Bye.

Sometimes, I wonder.

Do I even matter to you.

2010-06-02T20:04:00.002+08:00

Bah. So much bean sprouts.

How "generous".

Took my re-test for A.Maths today.

Skipped questions.

Didn't really care.

Went to eat at Ajisen today.

I took a cab there.

And stumbled upon a very intriguing Taxi Driver.

He was commenting on the taxi in front of him.

Because the bugger in front of him just ignored me.

And moved on. -_-

Bought a new hat (finally).

It was expensive.

30 bucks.

But, whatever.

It's nice.

I'm currently broke.

And I have no money for the GSS outing with Justin next week.

._.

Ahh, borrow from brother then.

DnT intensive starts from next week.

It's going to be busy.

School is going to end late from tomorrow onwards.

Been rather down lately.

I don't know the reason though.

Well, that's about it.

Bye.

Thanks for being by me.

2010-05-31T21:43:00.002+08:00

Took my 'O' Level Chinese paper today.

Suck.

Go home.

Die.

Fail.

Whatever.

I saw it coming.

Went to quite a few places today with Justin.

Lot 1 to get some stuff.

Headed to eat Pepper Lunch.

Refer to picture above.

We had nothing better to do after looking at some clothes over there.

Saw a few designs I liked, so I'm gonna find them over at CBD.

Went over to Ang Mo Kio Hub because had lots of time to spare.

Walked around and looked at clothes and some other stuff as well.

Headed to Bishan Junction 8 to look at stuff again.

And finally, went home.

I thought my leg would break.

Had a long, long chat with Justin about lots of things.

Life, stuff.

Talked about my troubles.

And yeah, I felt better after talking about it.

I laughed quite a bit.

Thanks for listening.

Well, gonna end here.

Good night.

Bye.

Fatigue

2010-05-29T00:22:00.002+08:00

It's been a really long day.

It felt like 48 hours instead of 24.

Time feels so sluggish.

I just want 'O' Levels to go.

'O' Level Chinese on Monday.

I have ZERO confidence for it.

We're expected to get an A.

Distinction.

Otherwise, we have to re-take it in November again.

There's really no point.

I'm betting a lot on this paper.

I've worked really hard for Chinese this year.

Pulling my grades from a F9 to a mid B3.

I need to work harder for today, and tomorrow.

Monday is the final battle, with the paper I hated most.

Since...

I don't know.

Since I ever knew Chinese papers existed.

Got to catch up with Wei Keong, my primary school friend...

Well, yesterday? Since it's already Saturday.

Haha.

It was rather heart-warming.

Knowing you're remembered and cherished by old friends.

Well, we'll all be meeting up soon after our 'O' Level Chinese papers.

So, I wish you guys all luck, even though you guys can't see this.

And, good luck to every single one taking 'O' Level Chinese on Monday. (:

Tomorrow's gonna be a boring and lonely day again.

Alone with my Chinese Papers.

Sigh.

Well, I'll probably sleep soon.

Good night world. (:

I love you too.

I really, really do. (:

2010-05-26T21:45:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, when you're down.

You just gotta turn around.

Even if you feel as if the world is gonna come crashing down on you.

I'll be there to protect you from the world that is crashing down.

It ain't worth it, you would say.

But, let's just say, I'm okay.

You just have to remember I'm here for you.

Smile, like there's no tomorrow.

2010-05-22T22:16:00.001+08:00

将来我们都是某个女孩唯一依靠

Yeah, my ass.

More like 负担.

2010-05-19T22:45:00.001+08:00

Got back some papers today.

They were quite unexpected.

Chinese - Overall 67.5/100

English - 33/50

DnT - 72/100

I managed to squeeze one mark out of teacher to get an A2, i.e. 70.

Then I counted the marks, and noticed teacher missed out on 2 marks.

And so I got 72.

She said I was top for DnT, for the paper.

I was elated.

And over the moon.

Well, I'm tired. Better get started on my Chinese composition introduction.

Otherwise, I'm screwed for tomorrow morning.

2010-05-18T17:29:00.003+08:00

Studied, yet, all I got was shit.

What's the point.

69/100 for Physics.

56/120 for Chemistry

63/80 E.Maths 1

75/100 E.Maths 2

39/80 A.Maths 1

71/100 A.Maths 2

22/50 Literature

What crap results.

What hit me most was literature.

I never thought I'd fail, at least, just a pass.

Sigh.

Well, whatever.

Shit

2010-05-17T01:11:00.001+08:00

Even those cliche words; "I love you", take on a wonderful new meaning,

when I use them to express my love for you;

Because they're words for you and you only.

In a sunny spot on a Sunday, it's an ordinary Sunday like any other.

I quietly pray that this lasts forever, and that you keep on chatting.

"What do you like about me?", that's a hard question you asked.

I love your fully blooming smile, even seeing it every day isn't enough.

That's without even mentioning your eyes that seem to look beautiful every time I look.

And that's just your looks, what about the important things inside you?

You don't back down when you're pissed off, and even snorting annoys you.

But there's so, so, so much more than that.

I can't really describe it properly.

I don't think you need a reason to fall in love.

That part is a mystery to me, so please forgive me.

I'm not able to answer your question.

You pretend to be strong, so those fleeting tears you show occasionally symbolizes a white flag.

When we don't say anything, and it is exactly that, that keeps me from looking away.

Sadness and pain,

of course life brings all kinds of things like that.

But your casual "hang in there" gives me strength, better than any energy drink.

Whenever your little back trembles, I just want to hold you tight.

Even if the scenery we can see as we walk by changes,

be by my side, terrible sleeping habits and all.

Even those cliche words; "I hate you", mean the opposite to me.

If it's you saying them when you're sulking, they're words for me and me only.

Happy one-month. (:

2010-05-16T17:07:00.004+08:00

Went to cousin's house yesterday.

And then to Causeway Point with nephew, niece and cousin.

Lazy to type, so I'll let pictures talk.

有你在身边, 我生命越来越甜.

但明显的是我的生命并不甜.

2010-05-14T20:14:00.002+08:00

Today.

Was.

SUPER.

FUN.

LOL.

Although the first part of the day was a lil' depressing.

Crappy physics paper.

Went to watch The Last Song after that!

I didn't expect it to be nice.

But it was okay.

Not bad.

The music was nice though.

Met up with Joan and Yue Ling first.

I was the earliest after Joan and Yue Ling.

Joan wanted to buy my handphone strap from Action City, but she thought it was expensive.

So she didn't.

Went to Donut Empire, or was it Factory?

Whatever.

Bought half a dozen of donuts.

Split between 3 of us.

Woohoooo.

Went to value shop and bought our drinks to smuggle into cinema.

Met up with Kin Hong in the lift.

How timely.

Went to buy my tickets.

First came Cody.

And omg.

Everyone was shocked.

LOL.

She was dressed like a super mature girl.

Kin Hong stated it as "Princess look".

LOL.

A conversation like this took place:

Me: Wa, see Cody. Wear until like that.

Vivian: Not bad what.

Me: Ya. Nice luh. See her looks like so "si wen" <-- Gentle/refined.

Kin Hong: Ya, but she not.

Cody: *Talks in a very high-pitched voice*

Me: But when she opens her mouth... She ruins the image.

LOL.

Well, it was only meant as a joke.

I found today quite meaningful.

I got to see the other side of my close friends.

And of course, got a closer friendship with Cody.

I don't speak to Cody much in class.

So, well.

I think it's a rather good opportunity to become good friends.

Anyway, after the movie.

We went to Timezone, as we waited for the Sakae Buffet to open.

Played Daytona with Vivian once.

The Daytona machine upgraded!

It's now cooler.

It's brighter, wider, cooler, nicer, and once again brighter.

Not to mention, the crappy gear machine isn't spoiled anymore.

Cody wanted me to teach her how to use manual gear.

And so I did.

Little did I know, being Cody's teacher was a little hard.

Joan asked Cody if she was gonna buy a car in the future.

We all said that Cody shouldn't.

Otherwise there would be fatal accidents everyday.

Cody was seriously driving the car like a drunk.

Crashing into the wall and other cars and whatnot.

Next was the giant Tetris.

Cheat my feeling one!

The base can only fit like 7 blocks!

Normally supposed to fit 10.

So you die very easily.

Crapppp.

Scam my monehhhhhhhhhh.

We then attempted the friggin' hammering machine!

Wei Chuan got the first, and he got 18.

I hit and got 25. :D

And I FRIGGIN' BROKE THE HIGH SCORE!

Woooo. :D

879 points.

Wooohooooo.

Played the Basketball thing after that.

And then Bishi Bashi.

Rather fun, I miss the times when I mashed my buttons on PS1 for that game.

The best part was Sakae Buffet.

We crapped and gossiped about a lot of people.

So if some of you were sneezing, chances are we were gossiping about you.

And then, our seating arrangement was something like this.

______________

Cody Vivian |

_____________ |
Phil Kin Hong |

______________

++++++++++++++

______________

Joan Yue Ling |

______________|

Jiao Min Wei Chuan|

______________|

The _s around are the chairs.

The _s between the names are tables.

The ++ is the chair separating our table and the other table.

At one point.

Joan turned around,

looked at us.

And a conversation along this line came about:

Joan: Omg. So bright here man.

Me: *Looks over her shoulder*

Joan: It's like so bright I can't even see!

Me: I wouldn't be able to see too if I was at your seat.

If you still don't understand.

We're talking about Wei Chuan and Jiao Min.

They were having PDA.

Public Display of Affection!

Grabbing waists and hips.

Get a room peeps! Or rather, a table.

We ate til' our stomach almost ruptured.

We talked a lot as well.

Talking about life, family, friends, secondary school life.

Learned many things, as well as got to understand my friends better.

Well, these kind of things are rare, and fun.

I guess its kind of a blessing.

Once secondary school is over.

We might go to different places, schools, and maybe even countries.

But I guess, we'll all remain in each other's memories.

I'm just thankful for having friends around me. :D

They rock my socks and make my day.

Oh well.

Well, I'm tired.

So, bye.

Conditions, conditions, conditions.

Life is all about fulfilling conditions.

2010-05-11T18:47:00.002+08:00

Just 5 more papers for me to survive through.

My headache has been hounding me since Friday.

Well, it was better yesterday.

It came back just 2 hours ago.

Sigh, it loves me a lot, huh?

Speaking of which, I have 0 confidence in my A.Maths for tomorrow.

And perhaps DnT too.

Crap.

I'm guessing, after this exam period.

For those who didn't get A1,

Mrs Lee will want them to re-take or re-do.

Sigh.

For some reason,

I'm getting back those feelings where I think everything starts to get boring again.

Oh well.

Just another friggin' 6 months to go.

Sigh.

I saw my friggin' life flash before my eyes just now.

2010-05-09T20:35:00.001+08:00

When I'm sick,

I don't need all the constant nagging and crap.

Nor do I need to know I have to study.

All I need is just a teeny little, care.

2010-05-08T13:03:00.002+08:00

Well, it's the mid-year exams already.
Doing rather crappily for that.

Just 1 more week to go!

And then, well.

'O' levels Chinese Paper?

Oh crap.

I sense fail.

Oh well, I'm lazy to post things.

So let's just let pictures do the talking.

They say, "A pictures speaks a thousand words".

In this case, there's at least 8 thousands. So, yea.

By the way, that's my cousin's daughter.

The baby, I mean.

And, the white dog is wearing a hoodie, if you couldn't tell.

HAHA.

Okay, byeeee~

2010-04-26T23:34:00.001+08:00

The mid-years are coming soon.

It'll be the chinese paper this Thursday.

Well, I won't be updating too often for now.

It's gonna be a tough 3 week battle.

See you guys after.

To everyone else: All the best for MYE.

2010-04-24T22:47:00.004+08:00

Well, the week has been long.

I just can't wait until I get out of this shithole.

Went for a concert at my brother's school.

It was pretty entertaining, with the dances and music.

I loved the Super Mario Bros. dance.

The other ballet and modern dance weren't much to my taste.

The music was pretty good though.

Choir, as well.

Here's a random kitten picture I took a few days ago:

Well, that's about it.

Prolly going to sleep soon.

Friggin' headache has been with me for 4 consecutive days.

Bye.

Not wanting you to know anything,

I just wanna suffer alone and silently.

Sitting in a place, as cold as a blizzard.

Just know that I care.

2010-04-21T21:57:00.004+08:00

Physics SPA today.

It was a tough one.

And literally, a spa.

Everyone was sweating buckets by the time they were out

While the rest of the students in combine science shivered in the air-con at the Spectrum.

Sigh.

Well, some people did wrong here and there.

I burned myself while pouring boiling water from the beaker into the measuring cylinder.

I forgot about it, but suddenly remembered when I felt a sharp pain on the skin of my hand.

Didn't see any cats on the way.

Perhaps it was because of the impending dark clouds that they hid somewhere.

Well, workload is increasing now.

Revision has already started for math.

English is slow, boring.

I'm behind time in my DnT Journal schedule.

I'm failing hard in both my sciences.

It's really a cause for worry.

I wonder how I'll do for the upcoming MYE.

It shall be a test for 'O' levels.

Well, I guess I'ma end here.

I'm tired.

Overslept today.

Headache since morning,

and still poundin'.

Gonna hit the sack soon.

Bye.

In warm memory, I’m hiding to deceive in taking the pain
But this voice too, this body too, exists to live for the sake of the present, not for the past

2010-04-19T22:43:00.006+08:00

There’s something much, much more important
than the millionth “I love you”
I’ll silently hold you
so you can become happy here in my arms

My honey, grab my arm

and follow me into my dream
There’ll be tears and laughter
but I won’t sing a loveless song
I won’t say you should believe me right away
but just come a little closer and stand by me
Love songs are a bit embarrassing
but I can’t not sing

I can’t just say those special words
those warm, sweet words every day
So I wanted to at least tell you in ordinary words
in life-sized words

It’s quicker to hold you tight
than to say the millionth “I love you”
I’m easily embarrassed
so it’s the best I can do
I don’t want those scripted words
when I’ve really and truly fallen in love
I’ll silently hold you
so you can become happy here in my arms

I want a happy life, a future with ups and downs
If bad things happen
there’ve got to be good things, too
so let’s keep singing as we walk

If you want those special words
those warm, sweet words
just wait a little longer

There’s something much, much more important

than the millionth “I love you”
All alone in a dark room
I wondered what I could do for you
But when you really love someone
you’ve got to gird your loins
not rack your brains
It always starts with wanting to hold you
and putting those feelings into action

When you’ve been hurt
and when you blame yourself
I’ll hold you tightly and whisper in your ear
“Is anyone perfect? Is life ever perfect?”
People don’t always do things they can be proud of
you’ve got to embrace it all
so come on, look up

Just having you by my side, I can feel more warmth
than from the millionth “I love you”
I feel like just holding you gives me more strength
than the millionth “I love you”

2010-04-16T23:11:00.002+08:00

Hectic week.

MYE coming.

Lazy.

Tired.

Bored.

I'm going to sleep.

Bye.

If you really do understand,

then there really isn't a need for me to explain.

You'd get it.

2010-04-09T20:59:00.004+08:00

The MV of my blogsong.

Its a nice song.

Sometimes, it just shares the same frequency as the thoughts in my head.

And sometimes, my heart.

话总说不清楚该怎么明了
一字一句像圈套
旧帐总翻不完谁无理取闹
你的双手甩开刚好的微妙
然后战火再燃烧
我们背对背拥抱
滥用沉默在咆哮
爱情来不及变老
葬送在烽火的玩笑
我们背对背拥抱
真话兜着圈子乱乱绕
只是想让我知道
只是想让你知道爱的警告

我不要一直到形同陌路变成自找
既然可以拥抱就不要轻易放掉

我们背对背拥抱
滥用沉默在咆哮
爱情来不及变老
葬送在烽火的玩笑
我们背对背拥抱
真话兜着圈子乱乱绕
只是想让我知道
只是想让你知道这警告

只是想让我知道
只是想让你知道爱的警告

Well, I just wanted to share the meaning of this song.

Its actually about the love between a guy, and a girl.

As time went on, many obstacles came in between them.

This resulted in a lot of grudges against each other.

Consequences?

An unbearable silence between those two.

Most lovers would hug each other from the front, embracing each other's warmth.

But, they hug each other back to back.

Making it impossible to understand each other and embrace each other's thoughts.

They speak to each other as if they're strangers,

making everything they speak of, a hostile trap.

Its what I can gather from listening to the song.

Some of you might not understand the song, be it because you don't learn chinese.

Or maybe your chinese isn't that good.

But, all in all, music are supposed to transcend the language barrier.

A truly touching song will touch the hearts and make people tear,

even if they don't understand it.

Speaking of such a song,

here's one before I go.

2010-04-07T20:00:00.002+08:00

First and foremost.

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY JUSTIN.

16 years old liao.

Must mature a bit.

Don't every time laugh until face red red.

Don't keep bitch about people liao.

Well, you see.

I met Justin when I was in secondary 1.

At that time, I didn't know him well.

Classmates.

Speaking of which, I didn't even really know anyone well enough.

Maybe, Zi Xiu only.

Well, fast forward 2 years.

And hey, we're in the same class.

We weren't really supposed to be in the same class.

But I dropped down to Achieve because I didn't want Aspire.

So, well, Destiny led me to meet a great friend like him.

Accompanying me to do all kind of shit.

Be it, buying clothes for new year, and Chinese New Year.

Going to buy presents for fellow classmates and friends.

Going to KTV to sing our hearts out.

Celebrating stuff here and there.

Talking about crazy stuff that would never happen, on the way home.

Staying out til' late at night, 8 or 9PM.

Letting me copy homework. ( Shhhh)

Teaching me some little stuff I wouldn't know.

Bitching to me about people.

And of course, being a good friend.

I don't know if we might still talk as much as we do now, next year.

We'll go out separate ways, find new friends, and find new lives.

But, we'll always stay in each other's hearts as bosom friends, won't we?

It's fine though, if you ever forget me.

After all, the brain doesn't remember, but the heart does.

I'll wave to you next time I see after this year.

Just another 7 months of torture.

And another 7 more months of going crazy with you.

I hope you like my present. :D

But, I'll treat you to something better next time.

Movie or something. (:

Oh, and .. I'm alright. Don't worry too much about me, 'kay?

I know you worry worry until all your hair become white liao.

Even though a quarter of your hair is already white.

Well, once again.

Happy Friggin' 16th Birthday,

my good brother Justin.

I hope you enjoyed your day.

Best of luck for your 'O' levels.

Well, I've done what I came to do.

So, I'm going now.

Bye.

2010-04-06T19:15:00.004+08:00

Here’s a funny fact. Join your two hands as shown above. Let’s start :
The thumb represents your parents. Now try seperating them apart, and they’ll easily open. They easily seperate because you are not destined to live with your parents forever. Now join the two thumbs back together.
Next, separate your index fingers and they will open too because these fingers represent your siblings, and they’ll also lead their own lives in the future.
The middle fingers represent yourself.
Next separate your pinky(little) fingers. These fingers with open as well because, they represent your kids, who will also have a different life from yours, eventually.
Lastly, try opening your ring fingers. You can’t right, this is because the ring finger represents both you & your spouse & no matter what you’ll remain together for the rest of your life.

On the taxi ride home today.

The taxi uncle raised a chat with me.

He was eating dinner before I entered.

I felt bad that I was disturbing his meal.

I apologized, and he said, "No, its okay, I was waiting anyway".

I kept quiet for awhile.

He adjusted his rear view mirror at me, and asked.

"What's wrong?"

I looked at him in dismay.

I said, "Nothing".

He asked, "Have you eaten?"

I shook my head.

Then slowly, I started to talk to him, on a more friendly term.

And I learned many things.

Stuff like creating a business, that Taxis drivers are Singaporeans, only.

Apparently, he was a businessman for 18 years, but due to the economic downturn.

Lost money in his business, so he closed it for awhile and turned to driving a taxi.

But, he said with a smile on his face, "But, I'll be back to business soon".

I was in awe.

He had hit rock bottom, yet he could still have such baseless optimism.

In this mere 5 minutes, I learned more about myself.

There was so much more to improve on.

He looked at the plastic bag I was holding.

And asked, "Present?"

I said, "Yea".

He continued, "You're a nice boy, buying presents for friends."

That made me really guilty.

If buying presents for friends made someone seem nice, then, many people would be nice.

In this world, apparently so, many aren't.

I, myself, felt I wasn't one.

Strange, how a taxi driver can really affect your thinking.

Before the last stretch of road to my house.

He suddenly said, "You've got a nice personality".

"Its good, many don't."

At that point of time, I didn't know what to say.

I could just shake my head in disagreement.

I paid my fare, and walked out, greeting him again.

That taxi driver, really made me feel better.

Even if its just for a little.

Oh well.

I've talked too much meaningless things.

Bye.

Just when the boy thought he wasn't alone anymore,

he blacked out.

And woke up, without a single memory before he blacked out.

Yet, he had this strange feeling.

He wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come out.

Even without a single memory,

he could feel this sense of loneliness creeping up upon him.

2010-04-04T11:51:00.002+08:00

The difference between the me in the past, and the me in the present,

is that I have you to count on when there's nothing left. - Phil

The weather is really unpredictable.

The end of the world should be coming soon.

Had 2 dreams today.

Weird huh?

One in my normal sleep,

and the other one when I woke up and fell asleep again.

After today, it'll be the start of a week again.

We'd have to go back to studying.

Sigh.

Its part of life, I guess.

Well, I'd better stop here.

I've got nothing to post about here.

Bye.

Don't think about the past, because the past is already gone.

Don't think about the future, because it has yet to come.

There's no point in thinking about any point of time other than now.

Since I have the chance now.

To look at you.

To laugh at you.

To laugh with you.

To smile at you.

To smile with you.

To pinch your cheeks.

To let you poke my side.

To love you.

Why think about other times, when the best time I'm enjoying, is now.

2010-04-03T17:10:00.004+08:00

This unpredictable weather, is very much alike you. At times, you make me feel sad, at others, just a little angry. At other times, you make me laugh, and smile and you make me fall in love with you all over again; Yet, every single weather, is as beautiful as the other, just like every single one of your expressions you show to me. - Phil

Went to watch Nodame Cantabile the Movie at Plaza Singapura yesterday.

It was a good movie, as expected.

Funny scenes where appropriate, with sadness where appropriate.

It didn't let me down.

Went to cousin's house after that.

Here are some pictures I took of my nephew's homework.

Lots of cute mistakes here and there.

I took 2 of the many.

See if you can spot them.

Chinese remedial today.

Chinese remedial next saturday.

Chinese remedial next next saturday.

Chinese remedial next next next saturday.

Screw Chinese.

I'm already getting sick and tired of it.

原谅说太快

爱成了阻碍

最后被打败

爱已不存在

2010-03-30T19:55:00.002+08:00

Have been rather bored these days.

More than bored, I'd think the better word would be "aimless".

Wandering around like a nobody.

I had a heckshitsuperduperepicwinwtfbbqkickasstrucksmashing headache.

I was hurting the whole day.

I wasn't in the mood to really talk or move around these days.

But, I guess there were some things that cheered me up.

Or rather, cured my headache for a while, until I tried to fall asleep again.

I thank whoever made it this way, be it the universe, destiny or fate.

I couldn't ask for more, now.

Except, maybe, you know, A LITTLE MORE TIME TO DO MY HOMEWORK AND SHIT.

Oh well.

Guess that's impossible.

'kay bye. ~_~

让我背着你走到最后

不要停住把你放下

如果你愿意

我要永远抱着你

2010-03-28T13:57:00.002+08:00

The week was a hectic one.

Overslept everyday for an extra 35 minutes.

Seriously, everyday.

Starting next week, we're going to stay back everyday.

To the earliest, 5.15PM.

Remedials everyday.

Chemistry and Physics SPA around the corner.

I'm certain I'll screw it up some where.

Got back my results on saturday for term 1.

Wasn't really happy with it.

I was 8 points higher than what I was targeting for 'O' levels.

Gonna have to work doubly hard for the remaining period of time.

Yet, I'm still wishing for 'O' levels to come and go quickly.

So I can leave that school.

Here are some pictures I took during my walk yesterday around woodlands.

Was enjoying the wind.

The clouds were really smooth, and pretty.

They reminded me of an aurora.

Well, 90% of the people on Earth would never be able to see an aurora in their life.

And I'm part of that 90%.

So, all I can do is just imagine and take other things as a substitute.

Pretty much works out that way in most things we have.

Well, I should probably start on my stack of homework.

Bye all.

你快乐吗？

真的很想代替你回答.

2010-03-25T21:18:00.002+08:00

Today was a tiring day.

Woke up late today.

3rd day in a row which I woke up late for.

Was dead piss tired when I went to school.

Felt really tired during maths, English and chemistry.

Got my N97 Mini today.

Can't play with it until tomorrow.

There's chinese remedial tomorrow.

And I have yet to do my informal letter.

Time to start on it.

Oh, and I found my key.

It was in my crumpler bag.

Bye.

就让我把你的眼泪擦干

2010-03-24T00:13:00.002+08:00

Got back literature paper today.

18/25.

Edward was rambling on how we didn't deserve those marks.

Well, I don't really care.

So.. Yea.

Got back physics.

Failed, as expected.

18/40.

Oh well.

Buck up buck up.

Today was a boring day.

Kept falling asleep during lessons.

Didn't get caught, thank god for that.

Tomorrow is the much dreaded 2.4km run.

How am I going to attempt it with a busted ankle.

I'm basically screwed before I even start.

Lets hope my ankle doesn't give out on me.

I'm tired now, and I've got a little time on my hand, so I came to post.

Now that I'm done with it.

Bye, good night.

爱我非你莫属

2010-03-22T20:21:00.002+08:00

First day of school.

Didn't have much sleep last night.

Walked around in school with a pain-in-the-ass busted ankle.

I don't know what happened.

But the pain in my ankle seems to get worser by the day.

I apologize to those who tried to make me laugh today,

but failed to do so.

Well, that's about it.

Bye.

不能失去你

2010-03-20T21:05:00.001+08:00

Went to Aunt's house.

Bored here.

Played with dog.

Chat with relatives.

Do homework.

Ankle has been hurting the whole day.

And got worse when my cousins and nieces kept jumping on me.

Just to make me piggyback them around the house.

Stood on my foot to walk them around like a penguin.

Aching.

Well, crap.

Looks like I have to get back to homework.

Bye.

No matter what, I'll be waiting at the promised place.

Even in years to come.

2010-03-19T19:36:00.003+08:00

Went to the library to do homework today.

Reach there at 10.30, and every single seat was taken up.

Crap.

Managed to finish up 3 chemistry papers, and English comprehension.

2 more days

It has been raining on and off recently everyday.

It would be a heat wavey kind of heat.

Hot.

And it would suddenly rain heavily, and stop after awhile.

The heat would then make its appearance again.

What's up with the world, really.

We always look for the sun, because its when our mood lightens up.

Bright environment, causes us to feel better.

No one really knows how lonely the rain, would feel.

The rain brings about a dampening of spirits.

Who could ever understand the rain?

The you under the moonlight is silent and lonely.

A slump spine, and tired shoulders.

Confusion appears in your eyes.

Your shadow appears bleak.

The night fog engulfs us.

I can face you for a whole night,

without saying a word, and just count the thoughts I have of you.

I wonder, how does the true you look like?

How strong are you?

Are you really as strong as how you appear to be?

Yet love, slowly creeps upon us, without showing your scars.

As if like a jacket.

The you in front of me who closed her eyes,

I engraved that moment into my head.

Forever floating around the depths of your heart.

One which you think of constantly.

Meeting you was like a game of destiny.

And yet we got to know each other from a single message.

If you aren't in my thoughts, its probably just a blank.

I can't stop thinking and guessing what your heart is thinking about.

Nor can I stop longing for you.

I can only imagine a picture of us both, walking along together.

I can always wait, until you can and will accept, love.

A moment that will remain in my mind forever.

A moment that will remain in my heart forever.

A moment I wish could repeat itself.

A moment I wish could be the future.

2010-03-18T17:20:00.002+08:00

Went to Chinatown today to do some IT crap.

Tired.

Leg felt numb there.

The group members weren't even serious in doing the thing.

Got annoyed.

Went to slack and walk around with Suhaimi after the outing.

Rained rather heavily.

It was cooling on the way back.

Went to walk around at causeway and eat lunch.

Pictures for chinatown thing another day.

Very tireddddd.

It was fun though.

Well, the post shall end here.

Byeeeeeeeee.

Wishing that moment never ended.

Wishing that moment went on and on.

2010-03-17T14:00:00.003+08:00

The holidays are just whizzing past quickly.

Like a blur of movement.

Lots of homework left undone.

Lots of studying left undone.

Lots of stress left untouched.

I guess, after this week, it'll be intensive studying already.

I wonder if I can survive for another 8 months.

I just want 'O' levels to come quickly, and I want to leave the school quickly.

I look forward to the day where I can look at the school at 7.30AM, and not be in the school.

Rather, not allowed.

I guess I should start on my homework soon.

I have a lot of homework.

Sigh.

Well, I guess thats about it.

See you guys.

Btw, I changed the blogsong.

Sorry if the song bothers anyone, just pause it or somethin' if you don't like it.

It carries special meanins' to me, ya' know?

2010-03-14T03:11:00.002+08:00

Taking a walk at 3AM in the morning.

Is strangely refreshing.

Takes my mind off things.

And sends me into a state of freedom.

The air in the early morning is fresh.

Tainted with the lowest percentage of pollution.

I can forget my troubles with just the darkness and fresh air.

2010-03-14T00:21:00.002+08:00

Sigh.

Boring day today.

Went for a jog at 6AM in the morning.

Went to play Basketball with Wei Chuan and gang at 9AM.

I sort of sprain my ankle.

Now, it's a bit swollen.

Currently at my cousin's house.

They're playing Mahjong.

While I do my homework and listen to music.

How sad.

My ankle hurts.

And I need coffee.

I still have to accompany my Aunt and cousin to the IT fair tomorrow.

Hope it doesn't aggravate my injury.

Well, gotta get back to chemistry.

See'ya.

Day 2. Missing you lots, and lots.

You're in my mind every second.

2010-03-12T22:49:00.005+08:00

How could God make death painful.

When God himself hasn't tried dying,

leaving behind people he loved, and loves.

Today was a hectic day.

Social Studies early in the morning.

Fell asleep, and had to wash my face.

Chemistry, double period, was crap.

Long, boring, and I learnt pretty much nothing.

Couldn't absorb anything.

Today's CCD was pretty interesting, for once.

Talking about posting irresponsible things online.

Be it blog posts, Facebook statuses, and what not.

I'm sure many of us have faced this kind of problem.

Let's be honest, the Internet is a convenient avenue.

An avenue to let out our frustrations and unhappiness.

Thus, many abuse the power of the Internet.

And harm the reputation of others,

by posting untrue, and biased opinions of others.

Let's think about this.

If you do that, then you're no better.

No better than the people you are trying to defame.

And no.

I don't mean defame as in pressing that arrow down button on Maplestory.

I meant slander.

Anyway, what can defaming someone do?

If you're smart, you wouldn't think of it as anything.

Thinking deeper into it, people use the Internet to defame.

Solely, because they don't have the guts to do it in real life.

Commonly code-named, the Keyboard Warriors.

The Keyboard Warriors are an elite group of nerds.

They exist solely to spread brain degrading information and matter.

At the same time, they TROLL to lower the reputation of many others.

Just because they're not as good as the people they slander.

Simply put, they're losers who can't do anything with their own power.

Pretty much like...

Pictured: Keyboard Warriors

Well, that pretty much covers the topic on Keyboard Warriors.

Besides, I learnt a valuable lesson.

Never mumble when ordering a KFC meal.

You might just end up getting a 3-piece chicken instead of 2-piece.

And, I noticed.

Sometimes, the small things we do, make the day for others.

We don't notice, but it happens.

I really didn't expect Vivian to get all emotional about my posts for her.

I did it, because I value her as a friend.

So, I ought to express my gratitude towards her.

For taking all my "dumbass"-ness, and of course.

Beneath all that "noob"-ness of hers, she's a nice girl.

I owe her Gelare for her birthday anyway.

To tell the truth, I couldn't be anymore thankful.

For dropping from triple science, to double pure.

To arrive in 3/4 Achieve.

I met all different kinds of people.

And "obtained" friends I can count on.

If I had anything to thank secondary school for.

It'd be that I stumbled upon 3/4 Achieve.

Well, that's pretty much it for today.

Going for a jog early in the morning tomorrow.

Bye all, have a good holiday.

And yea, I'm missing you like hell.

2010-03-11T22:48:00.003+08:00

Today was boring.

And windy.

Got back chemistry test papers.

Got 23/40.

Didn't expect to pass.

But, yea.

Got back E.Maths and A.Maths.

39/40 and 21/40 respectively.

I failed terribly at A.Maths.

Crap.

Expected it anyway.

Did DnT common test today.

Easy.

Hope I can at least get a distinction.

Went out jogging today.

Cleared up my mind.

And refreshed me.

Had a men talk with Jared and Wei Chuan.

I guess its alright and good sometimes when you're confused, that your friends can lead you further.

Tomorrow's the last day of school before a week long holiday.

Have to go back for remedials and shit though.

Not to mention, a crapload of homework.

Oh well, I haven't done my chinese homework.

Guess I won't be sleeping before 12 tonight.

And I have a headache, wtf.

'kay, the post shall end here.

Bye bye.

I'll miss you. (:

2010-03-10T21:23:00.002+08:00

It's finally the end of Common Test.

But, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

To be a wet blanket.

Mid-years are next.

Followed by Prelims, for Secondary 4s.

And Common Test, AGAIN, for secondary 3 and below.

And, finally, 'O' levels.

There's no time to relax.

Though, we can always slack for a bit here and there.

Well, for starters.

I got back my chinese common test paper.

I got 26.5/50.

To many, its a mediocre score.

To me, its pretty much a far cry from what I expected.

To be honest, I expected only 10 or 15.

It's nothing to be complacent about, anyway.

It's still a lousy score, and something that is not acceptable for 'O's.

I have to work harder, even though I'm already struggling with my studies.

Physics, chemistry, A.Maths, E.Maths, even English.

I can imagine all of them getting even harder.

I'm barely skimming through my Physics.

Sure, I was pretty okay with it last year.

Now, I'm not even sure if I can continue with it.

I'm wavering.

Today's A.Maths paper struck me.

I was unable to do quite a few questions.

Either that, or I was unsure on how to go about doing it.

Its pretty much the same anyway.

I believe, the best I can get, is probably a pass.

Which is probably not good enough for Mrs Lee.

I might seem all nonchalant about my studies sometimes.

But, really.

I want to do well for 'O's, at least.

I don't want to let down my parent's expectation of me.

I don't want to let all those money wasted on me, go down the drain.

Well, crappy common tests stuff is done with.

Holidays are around the corner.

People going LIA.

People going to Sarawak.

People going to Taman Negara.

And the once anticipated remedial-less holidays,

is now a remedial-ful holidays.

I guess, studying is still going to be on 24/7.

No time to rest.

My eyes have been closing at 8 or 8.30 nowadays.

I don't know if its the mental fatigue, or physical fatigue.

Oh well.

Besides that, I'm lucky I have avenues to get rid of stress.

I hope, you guys do have those as well.

I wish you guys a good journey ahead.

Bye.

P.S. I love cats, and cats loves me.

2010-03-09T22:23:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIVIAN ANG LI QI.

Don't say I not friend enough. :X

'kay. Common test is still on.

So, this is just a post dedicated to Vivian Ang Li Qi.

The sometimes, super immature girl and annoying person on Facebook, blog, and real life.

Though she's a nice person, DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP.

Inside her.

Though, hard to find luh.

'kay bye. :D

2010-03-07T19:12:00.004+08:00

We never realize how important the little things are.

Its the small things in life that makes it worth living.

I wished for a star light which would never dim,

to accompany me through times when I'm alone.

I wished for a cloud that would never disperse,

to walk with me when I'm alone.

I wished for a heart that wouldn't hurt,

to keep myself strong.

I wished for never ending courage,

to continue even if I felt pain.

If I could continue living,

please give me the strength.

The strength to believe that tomorrow will come,

in this dark and lonely night.

I can only hope that in the lowest point of my life,

I would still have the energy to tear, and feel pain.

To leave footprints on this world.

I can only hope that when I'm confused,

I can still find the old me in myself.

If only when I hurt til' I can't take it, and close my eyes.

I would see you in that darkness,

and when I open them, I'll see you in the light.

Now, I know that when a star diminishes, it returns brighter.

Now, I know that when a cloud disperses, I can see the blue sky.

Now, I know that when my heart gets hurt, I gain courage.

Now, I know that when I lose my courage, there will be meaning in it.

Tears that are shed, and luck that ran out.

Why don't I thank my eyes for being able to see the scenery of life?

All I want to do, is find back myself.

Now, I know that when I see my own true heart, I see you.

Words that weren't said clearly, who would be able to comprehend?

Every word, every sentence, alike a trap.

All these old scores which can't be settled,

so who's being unreasonable?

You open up your hugs at the wrong time,

following an argument.

Misusing this silence,

love can't seem to wait to grow old,

buried in the burning joke from Heaven.

I don't want to walk on that path that seems to be ever changing.

Since we can hold each other for now, why not hold on tight.

Because we can't.

2010-03-07T00:02:00.003+08:00

Seeing something.

Doesn't mean it exists.

Having something.

Doesn't mean its yours.

Being someone.

Doesn't mean you're something.

Being strong.

Doesn't mean you can stand.

Being hopeful.

Doesn't mean you're naive.

Being sad.

Doesn't mean you're weak.

Taking things for granted as they are,

isn't really something good.

It's only when you lose something,

do you truly know the value of it.

Life.

Many people think life isn't worth living.

With all its trouble it brings.

Until one day you find yourself in danger of losing it,

then do you regret and want to re-do everything you did wrongly.

Someone who's close to you.

Take it for granted.

And when that person disappears,

don't cry.

There's no one to blame but yourself.

Don't ask for everything.

Be content with something.

Accept someone for who that person is, and not what that person is.

There's no point in turning an oyster into a clam.

All it does is bring sadness along.

Complacency is something wreaks destruction in its wake.

As well as, not appreciating anything we have.

What good does being fickle-minded bring?

What good does being calculative bring?

What good does caring too much bring?

In the end, everything disappears.

In the end, nothing remains.

In the end, you get nothing but complaints.

What has been done that made it possible?

Everything.

Everything has been done.

Giving your all.

Giving everything you have.

Giving all your time.

Giving all your thoughts.

Giving all your love.

Giving all your pain.

Giving all your emotions.

Giving all your memories.

And,

Giving all your heart.

Why bother so much if everything is just going to hell one day?

Why have that hope that everything will be right?

Why can't we believe in just solitude?

Do we really need someone to be there for us?

Do we really need to be re-assured that we're not alone?

Do we really need to be cared for?

Do we really need to be subjected to pain in exchange for everything?

Sometimes I wonder, why do human beings continue.

Even though they know if they go on, they'll die.

It's like a moth which is attracted to a naked flame.

It knows it will be burnt to death.

Yet, for a moment of glimmer and warmth,

it dies.

How ironic the similar thing happens to us.

Its like knowing you'll die if you walk into a busy road,

and still trying your luck to see if you won't get hit.

The point isn't your chances of surviving.

Rather, the fact that you want to know if you can survive.

It's sad that.

All the various people that gives you their attention and time,

isn't the person you want.

And the person you really wish for to give you their attention and time,

doesn't.

A contradiction that life presents itself.

Truly regrettable.

What good does irony have?

Irony is dead.

Long live irony.

2010-03-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

I noticed the gap between each post is widening now.

Maybe it's because I find that each days are boring, and that there's nothing to post about.

Or maybe I'm just lazy.

Or maybe I don't want to remember the day because something bad happened.

I don't know.

Forgot, anyway.

Common Test starts officially today.

Screwed up my SS paper.

English was fine.

More to come, less rest.

Went to my Nephew's house today because he wanted me to install L4D for him.

Took a taxi over as the bus was crowded.

I hate crowded areas.

And the stupid noob taxi uncle, go until wrong place.

I ask him cut through and take the route at Causeway Point.

He act pro, say no, there got jam.

Jam his si lang tao(dead head) la.

Waste my money.

Then he turn into friggin' MARSILING.

Block 351 go Marsiling simi sai.

There block 100 liao la.

Then go to cross junction, he wanted to turn RIGHT to swimming complex.

Eat shit sia.

Lucky I tell him to go straight.

He charged me 4.20.

I gave him 5.20 then he just take and put down, and ask me to get down the taxi.

I was like, oi wtf, you want to scam me issit?

See me young young want to take my money arh?

Said kao pei, and left the taxi.

Went over to his house.

End up his laptop couldn't play L4D.

Graphic card not good enough.

Wasted my time there rot and talk to my cousin, my Nephew's dad.

Went home around 9.30PM as my cousin offered to drive me home.

Tomorrow's a stupid excursion to the opening of YOG crap game.

And my leg hurts like shit now.

Gah.

Bad mood now.

Going to sleep soon.

Bye.

2010-03-02T22:10:00.003+08:00

Woke up really tired today.

Even after sleeping for 8 hours.

Sigh.

I guess life's getting more tiring by the day.

Went to school and damn, was the day hot.

No fan at the corner.

Was really tired.

Got a headache during literature.

Went home after SS remedial.

Did up my maths homework.

Really tired now.

Doing my homework made me realize how stupid my life was.

Having a conversation suddenly made me ponder whether I was right.

Talking suddenly made me remember.

Why won't the past stop it's stupid haunt?

A fake smile is all it takes to get to the end of the day.

It takes too much effort to explain anything.

In the end, all I want to do is fall into eternal slumber.

Where nothing else really matters.

Because the only thing I would see is darkness.

2010-02-28T19:16:00.003+08:00

Andy 耍无聊泡网咖

JJ 装犹豫像傻瓜

XX 你背后是你爸 Buddy

谁有本事把到校花

尴尬前女友变你阿娜达

JJ 陪着你喝到挂

XX 女孩们太伟大

什么都不怕

只要我长大

哦快乐时候闹闹

难过时候抱抱

认真时你不要来吵

从我们小小

直到我们老老

玩伴伙伴就一些活宝

Baby Baby 将来我们都是

某个女孩唯一依靠

Oh~ Oh~ 有阳光的味道

Baby Baby 同样一种调调一个暗号同类才收到

Oh~ Oh~ 碰肩膀的微笑

尴尬前女友变你阿娜达

JJ 陪着你喝到挂

XX 女孩们太伟大

什么都不怕只要我长大

哦快乐时候闹闹

难过时候抱抱

认真时你不要来吵

从我们小小直到我们老老

玩伴伙伴就一些活宝

Baby Baby 将来我们都是

某个女孩唯一依靠

Oh~ Oh~ 有阳光的味道

Baby Baby 同样一种调调一个暗号同类才收到

Oh~ Oh~ 碰肩膀的微笑

Baby Baby 将来我们都是

某个女孩唯一依靠

Oh~ Oh~ Baby Baby 同样一种调调一个暗号同类才收到

Oh~ Oh~ 碰肩膀的微笑

This song brings back reminiscence.

The first blog song I had since I re-opened this blog sometime, last year.

A cheerful song, disliked by most pessimistic people.

Like Wei Chuan.

Yet, subtly.

Every cheerful song can be interpreted in a negative way.

What this song is trying to bring across is the kind of mutual understanding a couple can have.

About the love a couple can share.

How a guy becomes the pillar of support when a girl crumbles.

It speaks of the immaturity of guys, yet emphasizes on the fact that guys want to mature fast enough.

To support the girl they love.

Interpreted another way, may just be naivety.

Celebrated Ms Ng's birthday yesterday.

Went kite-flying at the Woodgrove field for an hour or so til' 10.30.

Went to slack at MacDonald's for 2 hours and sang Happy Birthday to Ms Ng.

I'ma post pictures.

Picture credits goes to Timothy.

On the way to woodgrove field.

Ben 10 motorcycle decal spotted.

Timothy is a stalker.

I'm always dodging the camera.

Obscene crap connected to Suhaimi's groin.

Whole group.

Ms Ng.

Suhaimi looking at his cup of drink.

Ms Ng looks like a teenager here, again.

Unglam.

O RLY face.

Act cute 1.

Act cute 2.

Cut cake.

Idiotic faces.

Giving the cake.

Why so serious?

...

Dodge the camera again.

Stalk picture.

He ran up to me and tried to photograph both of us.

Turned in reflex.

I like this picture though.

Ah lian seh.

Finally, a group photo in which I don't look weird in.

Suhaimi extra.

Stalk photo.

Getting ready to transform.

Stage 2.

Hunter mode.

Fail olympic runner.

Photographer getting photographed. Fail.

What was I doing?

Well, its all fun and games yesterday.

But, the trouble really starts now.

Common test starts next week.

I should study soon.

Friday wasn't really the most enjoyable day.

Something I never expected happened.

And, I guess, it still lingers at the back of my head.

Calling me.

Pushing me.

Reading me.

Will I ever get over it?

I don't know.

Someone set me free.

Quote of the day: "Extends all the way to the sky"

没有做完的梦最痛

爱你到快看不到自己了

却看得到以前的我

能不能告诉我

我真的长大了吗？

还是我只是在欺骗自己而已。

能不能让我忘了以前?

让我相信明天...

2010-02-26T19:00:00.004+08:00

It's been a long week.

I was constantly tired for this week.

Mental fatigue and stress.

Homework coming in by the dozens.

Low test scores.

Lousy work production.

All of this hasn't hit me an inch for the past 3 years.

And now, for some reason.

They're hitting me like bricks.

What could it be?

I don't know.

Tomorrow is Ms Ng's birthday celebration.

Early morning fly kite.

And KTV in the afternoon.

There's no time to rest.

Sigh.

I guess Sunday's gonna be my work day again.

I've been thinking and thinking.

Is this the me I'm supposed to be?

A wolf without his fangs is but a cripple.

Have I forgotten how to be self-reliant?

Is it because of how I wish there would be someone somewhere?

Someone somewhere who can I can rely on.

I've forgotten the walls I've built.

I've forgotten everything that made me the way I am today.

I was never with anyone, anywhere.

I was never really with my friends.

In my heart, I was always alone.

That young wolf pup who traversed the plains alone.

Went out for a walk in the night.

到处走散散心

2010-02-22T21:58:00.002+08:00

Had a tiring time since I last posted.

So much I could post about, yet I don't want to.

Typing out a blog post can be enjoyable, yet at the same time, a drag.

Enjoyable, when you think back about the nice stuff that happened.

A drag, when you think back about unhappy stuff that happened.

Saturday was a fun day.

Went visiting.

Went to Desmond's house first thing in the morning.

His Mom treated me to a burger with a patty of mock pork/chicken.

It was nice.

Helped Desmond with his epicly fail and messy hair.

His parents made fun of my shoe size. -.-

Oh well, moving on.

Went to Jia Hui's house.

The bus ride there was boring.

Talked and bitched about people with Justin.

Went to Jia Hui's house to slack.

It wasn't really fun.

Just played a few rounds of tai di without money.

Bored.

Watch Power Rangers.

How nice, way to go reliving my childhood memories.

Went to Yan Xiu's house right after.

The bus trip back to woodlands was long.

Met up with Jiing Harn.

And waited for several "princesses" to come.

In the end, we were all too lazy so we just went straight to Yio Chu Kang MRT first.

To meet up with Yan Xiu.

Yan Xiu's house is HUGEEEEEEE.

And beautiful.

If I had a house like that.

I'd be happy.

Well, though it wouldn't be complete without the people I love.

We left early as Jiing Harn wanted to meet with her

"baby". < Kept joking with this word with Justin.
We took 10 minutes to flag a taxi.

Finally got a taxi and headed to AMK Hub first to drop Jiing Harn off.

And off she goes to meet her boyfriend for a movie.

Sat on the ride to Causeway Point whilst chatting and still bitching about people with Justin.

The ride back was expensive.

17 dollars if I remember correctly.

Went to comics connection.

Did some stuff, then went home.

Today was boring.

And shitty.

Had a slight headache coming on and off at times during the day.

Skipped the AVA training thing because of my piano lessons.

I don't have anything to learn from it anyway.

So, what's the point.

Went home, did up my homework.

And here I am posting again.

Monotonous life.

Here we go again.

Bye.

Quote of the day: "She is a crustacean"

We're usually unsatisfied with just mere words.

Still, we're always touched by words.

Words have the power to make someone happy, or sad.

Think carefully about what you say.

"Is it going to hurt someone, or make someone feel happy?"

2010-02-18T19:08:00.009+08:00

Finally got the time to post today.

I went home without going for CCA today cos' I felt unwell.

Told Ms Ng that I wasn't feeling well, and that I'll make it up to her another day.

Went home to take a nap.

Stuff happened this week.

I shall recount in a chronological order.

Wait, last week included. Saturday.

Saturday

Well, reunion dinner.

I have always like reunion dinners.

A time to slack a little.

Catch up with relatives and talk a lot.

Not to mention, eat steamboat.

Although, there was a downside.

Homework were plentiful abound.

So, pretty much the people around my age were doing homework.

While the older people were talking and slacking around.

And those young frolicking kids were creating nothing but noise.

But, who cares.

2 pictures of my cousin btw.

She's a cutie.

I apologize for the blurry photo.

She was very energetic and kept moving around.

But still, cute right?

She was giving that face because my brother offered to open a sweet for her.

She thought my brother wanted to take it away.

Haha. Cute, no?

My cousin, Ben. :D Handsome guy eh?

Went home, and counted down to Chinese New Year, and Valentine's day. (:

Sunday

First day of Chinese New Year.

Woke up early, and couldn't go back to sleep as it was very bright.

Had a slight headache then.

Don't ask how I remember. I just do.

Went visiting quite late as my parents came home late at around 3AM.

So, they slept in until 1.

Headed over to my grandmother's house again to visit her.

It was a common practice over all the years.

Elderlies first.

Had to abstain from anything with meat in it.

Crappy superstitious thing my Mom believes in.

Vegetarians for 1 day on the first day of CNY.

Where pretty much all the goodies appear. -______-

Talked and played with the kids for awhile until around 2.

Went out visiting again for another 2 or 3 houses.

The last stop was my cousin's house.

And we stayed there until it was 1.30AM, before going home.

Got quite a lot of ang baos.

Despite the fact that, my brother, my cousins and I were not expecting much this year.

Many relatives were shocked at the way I dress.

As in, positively.

Lots of them made remarks and stuff which I didn't how to reply.

Got that over and done with.

Went home to sleep.

Pictures over here.

My cousin, Sherry.

Another one.

Everyone likes my fedora and keeps playing with it.

Including...

Her. LOL. Her name is Qi Qi. My niece.

My nephew Keith.

He had several unglam pictures of him taken.

With one being, him with a pink hairband.

I didn't manage to get it though.

Ahh.

This picture better. LOL.

Still, my fedora is the star. LOL.

Drawing on the balloon.

Static. :X Discovery of science.

Another one. LOL.

BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING.

I wasn't trying to be gay.

I got forced. :X

My hair was messy.

Someone literally ripped the hat off my head.

And I not zi lian pl0x. ._.

Monday

Second day of Chinese New Year.

Went visiting again, with the last stop being my Big Aunt's house. (Figuratively)

New loot from this CNY.

L4D2.

LOL.

Played with my cousin, Gerald.

Played for a long time and went home at around 1.30AM again.

Didn't felt like sleeping when we reached home at 2AM.

So I stayed up until 3.30AM before I went to bed.

Bad move...

Tuesday

Woke up with a badddddd headache early in the morning.

It was a homework day.

And I do not wish to go into it.

Moving on...

Wednesday

First day of school after the CNY holidays.

Everyone was complaining of fatigue.

And stuff.

Quite a bit of people were sick.

Probably because of eating too much junk during the CNY festivities.

The Maths homework I lent to Joan got confiscated. =.=

How nice.

Never mind though, didn't care.

Thursday

Woke up with an extra dose of "fatigue" today.

Went to school in the morning and it rained.

Wooooo.

I love rainy days.

I think.

So, Jiing Harn went to find the teacher who took my paper to pass to Mrs Lee.

She got back her paper, but my paper was sent directly to Mrs Lee.

And she referred to my paper as, "Friends' assistants".

The fish.

>_>

Lame shit anyway.

Didn't get caught.

So, who cares.

DnT teacher didn't come for 2 consecutive days.

My heavy headache struck again during DnT.

It carried on until after school.

It was unbearable during the physics test.

Sigh.

So, as mentioned at the start.

I skipped CCA today.

With a valid reason.

Wei Chuan brought up an interesting point.

I was having frequent headaches.

And headaches are the most easily neglected illness.

I should see a doctor soon about it.

Oh yes, I forgot.

I'll probably flunk my A.Maths test.

Couldn't do differentiation question 3.

And I made a careless mistake for question 4.

Screw that.

Went home and took a rest/nap.

Ate a pill of biogesic before sleeping.

And my mom was like "nag nag nag nag nag nag nag".

Tsk.

And so, here I am typing out this ridiculously long recount of my week(and last's).

So, I shall take my leave to do my Chinese letter writing.

Bye.

Quote of the day: "I am mentally scarred from molestation" - Wei Chuan.

And the hardest thing to do, is to not think of you at any single time.

The story so far shall be put on hiatus.

Watch out for blue scribblings.

2010-02-13T13:41:00.004+08:00

Went to East Coast Park yesterday.

It was fine.

The bus ride there was very long.

An hour or so.

The first half of it.

Wasn't really that enjoyable.

One reason or another.

Cycled to area H, and cycled back.

And walked for a while.

Took a taxi home.

I guess everyone was tired.

It was quiet in the taxi.

Listened to music to lift my spirits.

Wasn't really looking forward to going home.

Reached causeway point at around 8.

Took a bus back.

I guess, on the way back home.

I felt better.

For one reason or another.

For once, I thought,

The trip back home was enjoyable.

Partly because of something.

And partly because of someone.

Slept at 9.30 cos' I didn't feel like staying awake.

Woke up at 1AM for some reason.

And went back to sleep at 3AM.

The sky was really dark at 7AM.

I thought it was 5AM when it was really 7.30AM already.

Well, I should start on my homework now.

I don't want to do my homework during the CNY visits.

Bye all.

And, Happy Chinese New Year to everyone.

Quote of the day: None yet. Might edit later at night.

Those songs that I listen to.

Cannot accurate express how I feel.

If I were to put that in words.

It would be, "something I cannot express with just words".

2010-02-11T18:56:00.003+08:00

I haven't posted in days.

Busy.

And tired.

Didn't have much time.

Yesterday at Marina Barrage was okay.

Not too bad.

Got a headache on the way back to school.

The headache was small at first.

It started to pound really hard from around 10.30 onwards.

It was as if someone was trying to drill out of my brain.

Woke up today, hoping my headache was gone.

It was still there.

Went to school as per normal.

Tried really hard to stay awake in class.

First period of the day, and I was already ready to doze off.

Staying awake during English was very difficult.

Managed to get through it anyway.

The headache makes it's comeback during Physics, last period.

Fuggin' shit.

Went for stopmotion.

Then left school after that.

Well, I'm lazy, tired and fugged up right now.

So I'ma end here.

Going to take a nap.

Shout shout shout.

Fight fight fight.

Scream scream scream.

All you know how to do is ruin the mood of everyone.

Eating dinner is such a simple thing.

Yet you make it into such a big deal.

Walk into the fuggin' kitchen.

You scream and shout.

You never even say cannot walk in.

Then become my fault?

Eat late, also my fault la.

Correct.

Because you cook late.

My fault that I eat late.

Don't want to eat, my fault la.

Eat, also my fault la.

Ya la. Everything my fault la.

I die off can liao right?

Even better.

Then anything happen, can just blame me.

What a convenient excuse.

So, was I a fool?

2010-02-08T20:16:00.002+08:00

Under the moonlight in the night sky.

I see your sorrow and loneliness in your eyes.

As I wait for you for the whole night.

I feel my breathing lighten.

How do I get stronger?

Love moves slowly, and quietly.

The you in front of me, closes your eyes.

I miss you to no ends.

As I live in your heart.

If I'm not thinking of you, my mind's a complete blank.

It's because I think of you non-stop, that I miss you non-stop.

I'll wait for you to learn how to love again.

Meeting you was a rough game.

Knowing you is a like a road throughout the park in the windy night.

It's because I keep thinking of you, that I miss looking at you.

因为我不停的向你才会不停的思念你的脸

Stuff aside.

School's boring.

Getting sick and tired of school.

Annoying teachers.

Annoying work.

Annoying people.

Annoying time.

Went for piano lessons and was pretty satisfied with it.

So, yea.

W/e.

Today enter mac, then this bloody guy.

Keep diao me.

No reason diao.

Bloody hell.

Annoying piece of shit.

I'm gonna go do my homework now.

Byeeeeeeeeeee.

P/S: Chinese test tomorrow. Nervous.

Quote of the day: "Wear your loneliness as if you would wear a jacket."

He only had a month left to live.

What is he going to do in this month?

No.

The question is.

What CAN he do in this month?

2010-02-06T17:47:00.002+08:00

I'm as sick as hell.

Throat infection, flu, cough, cold.

Yesterday was plain hell.

I felt warm a moment, and cold the next.

Goosebumps came up in between.

Not to mention, I couldn't breathe through my nose because I had a block nose.

And I kept sneezing.

Seriously.

Cough + Throat infection = Most killer combo ever.

Cough would cause my throat to hurt like hell.

To put it simply, "swallowing knives".

That's what it felt like.

And as a result of feeling the pain, it gets itchy.

The next action would be cough.

Repeating the cycle again.

My brother got pissed with me coughing throughout the night.

He threw a pillow at my face. >_>

Oh well.

Woke up, with an extra addition to my team of sickness.

Headache.

Woohoo.

What's up next on the list?

Fever?

I'm guessing the cause would be fatigue.

And lack of sleep.

Sigh.

Ahhh, whatever.

There are more important things to worry about.

Lots of test next week, I reckon.

With chemistry test following the week after.

Not forgetting, CT is coming in week 7/8.

It's been a whirl of an opening month.

I'm guessing hell is going to start, right about after this weekends.

And here I am, hoping for some salvation from Chinese New Year.

Today was boring.

Didn't have much to do.

It's been quite fun the past month.

That, I forgot how boring life actually was.

I wonder what got me thinking about the basis of life again.

My sick self, maybe?

Or its just my normal thinking, taking over again.

I will never know.

I'm tired.

Literally, and figuratively.

Still.

I've gotta move on and stuff.

Oh well.

I should end my post here.

Gonna start on my stack of homework. O:

Byeeeeeeeeeee.

Quote of the day: "People who face reality, are actually people who are running from it."

His reality overturned.

He was back to normal.

The pain in his chest was no more.

Figuring something happened to him.

He read up the huge library in the castle, about what happened to him.

Or, what was happening.

He found out, that the symptoms he showed, were exactly that of Pulmonary Embolism

Was he going to die off suddenly?

He doesn't know.